2011 photo-synthesis

Helloooo!! Did you miss me? I have certainly missed writing! My inner-perfectionist got the best of me and try as I did to write the perfect post, I was often unsatisfied with the outcome, became discouraged and failed to publish anything new these last few months (believe me! I have quite a few drafts saved on here to prove it!). But its time to delete those drafts, start anew, and keep you up-to-date - imperfections and all.

Sooooooo..... what better way to revamp my efforts than to get you all caught up with a photo recap of 2011 (a photo-synthesis). I was very impressed with Mrs. Lauren Miller's idea of overlooking the year in photos and Becky Launder's recap that I decided to steal it (while giving them due credit, of course).

And I know I'm a little bit late on this....well... a lotta bit late... but here it is:

Carlsbad Half Marathon - before the race at an hour at which no one should be awake!

L to R: Me and Hubs at Superbowl party (w/ his broken ankle); Squares Winners; Girls at Cherish's Bday Fundraiser

JANUARY rolled in in quite an unwelcome fashion. I've certainly tired out the statement that the end of 2010 was rough and I was rather fearful of the notion that time would move forward. But move it did, and I decided to pick myself up and consciously dedicate my energy to taking the Capricornial goat by the horns and accepting new challenges: I ran my first half marathon (the Carlsbad half) and decided to do a 3-week detox/cleanse, learning a great deal about fitness/nutrition.

FEBRUARY brought a Superbowl party at Kristin's - where I actually won two quarters of the squares game and a category/side bet!! However I was more impressed with my ability to resist all the delicious Superbowl food (Que Bueno and all!) as I was just then completing week 1 of my three-week cleanse. I was up $80-ish, down 12 pounds and had renewed energy through the month, which helped propel me through Bar studying and the exam. I celebrated completing the exam with a quiet dinner with the Hubs at Seaus (where I ironically wore the same hat and shirt that I wore the last time I finished the exam (totally unplanned and if I realized it I would've changed for fear of jinxing myself)). The next weekend Cherish celebrated her birthday by hosting a fundraiser to raise money for the Ethiopian adoption agency through which her sister adopted a beautiful young Ethiopian girl, Zayla.

L to R: John, Lea and I in front of Sleeping Beauty's Castle; Kennedy and me in the ferris wheel; Siblings + Jenni at D&B

More fun in MARCH, which involved two fantastic trips, the first being to one of my all-time favorite places (and a post-bar treat): DISNEYLAND!!!! We rode all of the greatest rides - space mountain, small world, pirates and were fortunate enough to re-experience the phenomenon that is Captain Eo. Overall, I was able to express my inner disney dorkiness to my content and visit with some of our favorite people! March further brought Pavan's 17th birthday where my sister, brother and his girlfriend, Jenni, took a trip to the bay area and had fun at the Milpitas D&Bs!

L to R: Girls on the strip w/ storm troopers; Julian Buffalo Head; Girls heading out for a Vegas night!

APRIL included even more trips! I had the pleasure of relaxing with 6 other gorgeous Esquires in Vegas, and a visit to Julian with Cherish and her parents to enjoy some pie, a local show, and buffalo burgers (well... a garden burger for me)!
 

Top L to R: post-La Jolla Half; John's Bday present - we're getting a puppy!!; Visit with Mammaya and Athaya Bottom L to R: Trolley ride to downtown for John's Bday; John thinkin he's the funniest guy around and Ivie laughing; Shawndene, Ivie and me!

APRIL carried on. Ivie and I raced in the La Jolla Half Marathon. My second half was quite a challenge with that darn Torrey Pines Hill, but I somehow managed to improve my time by a bit from the last race! The run was the same day as John's birthday, and after we got home he opened my present to him - a dog bowl! He had been wanting a puppy for so long I just couldn't deny him the pleasure any longer. From this point the hunt was on for the newest member of our family! We later celebrated another year of John with beer and pizza at Basic then a fun night of games at Joltn Joes! At the end of April we visited my parents in Fresno. My Mom's brother and his wife were visiting from India. It's truly rare that members of our family ever come to visit US from India... it was a real treat. I hadn't seen them since 2005.... but there's just something about family... there's always this wonderful bond no matter how long its been since you've seen them and no matter what language you speak.

Top L to R: First day meeting Stella; Stella comfy on the bean bag; Laundry time!
Bottom L to R: First Anniversary refreshments; Becky at winetasting; Mutt Pack at winetasting

MAY brought us one of the best things we could ever ask for, best puppy that is! Stella Barksdale Nord became the furriest member of our family on May 2, 2011 at 2 1/2 months old and 7lbs. She was the cutest, hoppiest, lickiest, waggiest puppy I've ever seen! It took us a little while to become accustomed to puppy-parenthood. We certainly faced a few challenges, but accustomed we became and are certainly loving the experience. The month continued and so arrived our first anniversary! Yup we made it through the first year of marriage with nary a road bump. We celebrated by pretending to be tourists in Seaport Village and enjoying some cool refreshments and appetizers at Busters. Then we moved to Carmel Valley for some yummy Indian food. This was also the month I started my job as a contract attorney at Broadcom supporting the in-house counsel department at one of the most prominent leaders in the semiconductor industry. May ended with a wine-tasting trip to Temecula for Becky's birthday. We enjoyed some great wine... and I cannot forget to mention brie bread - my absolute favorite part about wine tasting (second to the company of course). Take a sourdough bread bowl, slice it in half, spread with garlic butter, pat with mounds of brie and bake to some seriously monumental perfection. I'm talkin SERIOUS perfection (I don't joke about food *serious face*). Mmmm.... is it May yet?

Top L to R: Swearing In Ceremony; Cherish cheering on Ivie with our banner at Rock n Roll Half; Ivie completing Rock n Roll Half;
Bottom L to R: Stella at Gull Lake; Me w/ my first limit at June Lake; Charity Poker Tourney

June Lake trip: Beautiful fire with marshmallows roasting at Gull Lake

JUNE is the month I officially became Saritha T. Nord, Esq.! My parents drove in for the ceremony where I took an oath, slaughtered a virgin, etc - quite a moment. A week later Cherish and I cheered Ivie on as she tackled the San Diego Rock n Roll Half! We made a sign for her to show our support upon which we included a little something special (secret) to show her how much we love her and are proud of her! Later in June I joined the Nord men on their annual June Lake trip. I fished for the first time and caught my first limit of 5 trout during that trip! The trip, however, was not complete without a campfire and some s'mores our last night there. John Nord made this happen for me while almost managing to burn down Gull Lake. Luckily the fire dissipated and the only things that were close to burning were the deliciously gooey marshmallows that we sandwiched between graham crackers and chocolate. June ended with a Charity Poker Tournament that Ivie and I hosted to raise funds for Susan G. Komen 3Day for the Cure! We impressed ourselves with how much we were able to raise for the foundation and with how many donations we received! The event was so successful that we'll be hosting it every year for an organization of our choosing! This year our tourney will be held on March 24, 2012 and will benefit the Leukemia and Lymphoma society. For more info and to attend please take a peek at our evite.

Top L to R: John and Ivie posing in Vegas; Heather, Stacy and Cherish; Akka at her bridal shower
Bottom L to R: Bachelorette banner; the Bachelorette; Team 60 Miles FOR Bust at fundraiser

No year is complete without a trip to Vegas, and while this was my second of the year it definitely did not lack in the fun department. We celebrated Cherish's friend Stacy's 30th birthday and had a blast! JULY also involved my sister's bridal shower AND bachelorette party. Her bridal shower took place in Fresno where we played tons of great games and the bachelorette party took place in the streets and bars of Hollywood! July concluded with a huge Summer Concert my 3Day team, Team 60 Miles FOR Bust, hosted to raise funds for our 3Day walk. It was truly a hit and yet again we put another significant dent in our fundraising goals.

L to R: Shawndene her sis and Leah atop the Hard Rock; Ladies at Hornblower brunch; Shawndene + birdcage

In AUGUST I ran my third half of the year earning the Triple Crown Medal! The end of August brought Shawndene's bachelorette party which included dinner at Rockin Baja Loster, a night upon the rooftop of the Hard Rock Hotel and a Harbor Brunch Cruise the next morning! Ah brunch.... my favorite way to indulge on the weekends.

Top: Akka's wedding/reception; Bottom: Orrin & Shawndene's wedding/reception

SEPTEMBER was a month of weddings! First was my sister's which was held at the Fresno Hindu Temple. The highlight of the ceremony was my sister singing "I want to grow old with you" (The Wedding Singer) as her vows. She's a phenomenal singer and the sweet gesture moved me and many others to blubbering balls of tears. Later in the month Orrin and Shawndene wed with an incredible charcoal and rose rustic-themed wedding. Shawndene put a lot of work into the details and her touches showed in the elegance that illuminated the entire night. The warmest congratulations to both of these amazing couples!

3Day Walk - Day 1
L to R: Team 60 Miles FOR Bust; supporting police officer; Ivie and Winita's tent decorations

3Day Walk - Day 2
L to R: Fun button that says "3Day? I thought I signed up for a 3-way!!!"; Team w/ walker stalkers; Ivie and Winita won the tent decorating competition!!!

3Day Walk - Day 3
L to R: Team just before closing ceremony; Jean and me celebrating at the end; closing ceremony

OCTOBER wasn't too hectic as much of it involved preparing and training for the 3Day walk. The Susan G. Komen 3Day for the Cure walk took place in San Diego from NOVEMBER 18-20. Our team 60 Miles FOR Bust was captained by the ever-inspiring Ivie Hanakawa and included Becky, Megan, Winita and myself. It was definitely a monumental event - incredibly moving, emotional, fun, tiring and amazing! Each day was filled with new people and events permanently etched into our memories. We slept in tents, sang along with the motivating policemen as they blasted their radios while riding their bikes next to us decked out in pink, took pictures with many of the incredible "walker-stalkers", took showers in mobile shower units, and we walked and walked and walked. It was definitely a trying experience, but also every bit as rewarding. I'm honored to have participated in this event. 

Top L to R: Ivie witih her bday dessert; Stella + stocking; Pavan + bros-in-law; Bottom - NYE celebration

DECEMBER is always a fabulous month. The Holiday spirit just reverberates from every molecule and puts me in a great mood all month long. The month kicked off with Ivie's birthday! We enjoyed yummy food and ridiculously huge margaritas at On the Border then watched the movie The Muppets! By far one of the best movies the Muppets have put out - none of us could stop laughing the entire time, not even the boys! (If you haven't seen it - you must! It comes out on blu-ray/dvd on March 20!) December closed with a wonderful holiday season. It was Stella's first christmas and I was able to spend a nice chunk of time with my family. Lastly our new years eve celebration ended the year on a really positive note with a teppanyaki dinner at Fuji and continued fun at Jeremy/Becky's home.

There you have it.... my year in a... well, some sort of truncated version (I would say nutshell, but this post was GIGANTE). I am hoping this means I will now blog more consistently. I have so many recipes and thoughts to post, I will do my best to keep them coming.

Here's to 2012 - a year for progress (let's hope).

Celebration of Life

"Whatever became of the moment when one first knew about death? There must have been one, a moment, in childhood when it first occurred to you that you don't go on forever. It must have been shattering - stamped into one's memory. And yet I can't remember it. It never occurred to me at all. What does one make of that? We must be born with an intuition of mortality. Before we know the words for it, before we know that there are words, out we come, bloodied and squalling with the knowledge that for all compasses in the world, there's only one direction and time is its only measure."
             - Rosencrantz and Gildenstern Are Dead, by Tom Stoppard

The circle of life has been an ever-present theme these last couple of months. Last weekend John and I attended a memorial service for the mother of our dear friend Nick Celeste. His mother, Ann, passed after suffering from terminal brain cancer for the past two or so years. The service was beautiful. It was filled with sunflowers, tears and memories - fit for the life of a strong, caring person. I am sad to report, however, this is not the only news of this ilk that has come to my attention. I do not take so kindly to report that over the past two or three months I've heard from friends of 6 deaths in various families - parents, uncles, grandparents - many significant people are slipping into an after-life, reincarnation, dust... whatever you believe in. 

Evidence of mortality is never easy to swallow. And to hear of so many passings in such a short period is a pill even more jagged. I suppose its time to face the fact this sort of news is going to become more common - we're getting older. Period. But instead of dwelling on the loss, we should celebrate life. At funerals in India they wear white, for they are not in mourning: rather, they are there to commemorate beautiful memories of a beautiful life of a beautiful person. Its a custom I really wish would be implemented here.

Considering all this, I think it prudent to take this opportunity to celebrate life as a whole - to implement a living memory: to live as we would like to be remembered... and to make those nagging changes we've been wanting to make. There can be an inspiring spark in even the bleakest of moments. And, really, our dearly departed wouldn't have it any other way, wouldn't you say? I mean, it's certainly not easy... figuring out who you are and how you want to live... striking balance among all aspects. I've been trying to do this.... trying to make some sort of mark or etch and create memories worth remembering. It's a life-long process, obviously, and I don't know if it's working (and who knows if I ever will), but I hope I'm making my loved ones proud. Because you all certainly make me proud.

On the Horizon

Welcome back, me. It's been a while. I've missed the clickity-clack of typing while the wheels are a-whirring in my head. Not much inspiration as of late, so I thought a simple update will do for now. I hope you feel the same.

First off, in my effort to do bigger and better things I've joined the team 60 Miles for Bust, captained by the darling Ivie. Her, I and three friends will join thousands of other women and men and we will all walk 60 miles over 3 days (Nov 18 - 20). Each footstep is aimed toward funding various breast cancer research and programs with a view toward putting a stop to breast cancer forever. Each of us has committed to raising a minimum of $2300 for the Susan G. Komen foundation. I've never raised so much nor have I ever walked so far, but I know the challenge will be well worth it. Here's hoping we will soon be in a world that's not only breast cancer free, but cancer free. It has to be possible. It WILL be possible.

In this regard I'm certainly increasing my footsteps, but I'm also trying to decrease my footprint. My environmental footprint that is. I'm doing my best to take reusable bags while shopping, take my reusable cup to starbucks, and recycle as much as I can. I've even taken to composting. We don't have a garden that we can use it for, but my roommate and I collect our compostable scraps in a tupperware we keep in the fridge, and once its filled up we walk behind the dumpsters in our parking lot and chuck the contents into the trees/dirt abutting the San Diego river. Although, I can only hope its actually being used to fertilize nature and that the raccoons and rats aren't eating the scraps instead. Well, I guess either way its being reused, right? On that note, Happy Earth Day!

My last update is more of a personal triumph. Last Sunday marked the completion of my second half-marathon, the La Jolla Half!  I started the race at the Del Mar fairgrounds like a clydesdale, climbed Torrey Pines hill like I was being threatened with a gun to my back, and crossed the finish line at a sprint encumbered by the greatest determination I've ever felt in my entire life. This course was ridiculousy hilly. I'd swear on my wedding video the course elevation map was inaccurate. I felt like I was running uphill for the first 10 miles! Well, I'm being dramatic, there were level portions of course, interspersed with hills. Whatever. Further, the elevation map represented the really big hill as only lasting about 1 mile, but I seriously think it lasted 3 (again, with some parts leveling out). At the end I decided that as I crossed the finish line I was going to raise up my arms and throw up both my middle fingers - straight and rigid - with a stern, fixed glare set toward the cameraman. I. Was. Livid. But instead I settled for angry sprinting, because, really, I never flip the bird, and that would just be awkward. Despite all that, I still beat my last half-marathon time by 4 minutes!!! I was hoping to surpass it by at least 5-6, but with all the hills and some walking, I'll take it! Next race to come is the AFC Half on Aug 21, upon the completion of which I'll be the proud honoree of the Triple Crown Medal. You're in my sights medal!!

That's it for the moment. Stay tuned friends. As always, thank you thank you thank you for indulging me by reading. And for now, I leave you with a totally unrelated, but nevertheless awesome, quote:

"I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no freaking way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the heck can't paper do this to scissors? Forget Scissors, why can't Paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college-ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because Paper can't beat anybody. A rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When I play Rock/Paper/Scissors, I always choose Rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their Paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, 'oh damn, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, asshole.'"

         - Unknown

(not so) New Year

January. Month 1. A new start. A fresh start. A time to be resolute with resolutions. But really, it seems to be nothing more than a farce. Perhaps simply an intricately-laid out ruse allowing gyms around the country a surge of profit at the beginning of each year.

Normally I'm a sucker for holidays and often get carried away - I love dressing in green, painting eggs, watching fireworks, carving pumpkins, cooking a turkey feast, and leaving cookies and milk out for Santa. But this year.... the new year was different. There was no renewed vigor, no energy boost. My new years started off a bit rocky and it just became so evident there is no reset button.... all we're left with is one continuous stream of time, making Jan 1 no different than any other day; it simply represents an accumulation of all the same residual problems and triumphs that existed on Dec 31. 

I admit I've fostered in myself a fully-grown cynic over this last stretch of time. And feeding that poor fool, among other things, is a developing frustration: I feel as though I've put forth quite the effort toward making healthier choices for my mind, body, and spirit, without seeing any permanent, positive effects. I am still a firm believer in changing for the better, and will continue to do so, but its difficult waiting for results.... waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting for something... anything.... to happen. On the other hand, I do truly recognize the need to learn to appreciate the here and now, because, really, all we have is now.

Pertinent to the above recognition is this lovely passage Shilpa shared with me a while ago. Upon first sight, I decided I would start implementing it into my daily mantra, but, to my own detriment, have not. Perhaps reading this passage every day will instill in me some much, much-needed perspective and patience. I hope it speaks to you with a similar impact:

For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time to still be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.

This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment you have. And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time...and remember that time waits for no one. 

- Alfred D'Souza

Moon Cycles and Regeneration

The moon has always fascinated me. Not only is it beautifully mysterious and important to many aspects of Earth's functions, but it has also had a great impact on culture, art, and mythology. In some cultures the moon is viewed as a goddess - a divine figure influencing intuition, healing, and the female spirit. Our moon, as intriguing as it is, still at its heart, is a simple, lustrous body that waxes and wanes, continuously cycling between the new and full moon every 28 days.

The end of 2010, will bring a full moon on December 21, the "Full Cold Moon." This coincides not only with the winter solstice, but also with a night holding a total lunar eclipse. I'd like to believe if all these forces can correspond so succinctly and miraculously in the celestial world, similar miracles can happen in the terrestrial world as well.

And I certainly am hoping for some miracles. This last stretch of time has been quite miserable for me. I've fallen from the grace of my encouragingly successful law school graduation into an abyss of my own creation. I did not pass the bar, and with it came feelings of ultimate inadequacy. It seems unreal that I worked so hard - giving it every molecule of my being - just to be deflated... punctured, without even knowing what I did wrong. Yet not only deflated and punctured, but wounded... with the notion that, again, I have to study. Again, I have to sacrifice my time, confidence, dignity, and $800, just to possibly feel the failure all over after the next go-around. The arbitrariness of the grading system is disheartening, and certainly does not assist in giving me the courage I need to pick up these corporeal pieces and start over. The question "what if I fail, again?" sits resolutely whirring and whirring in my head. 

But I suppose I must believe there are reasons for these experiences. Life is full of cycles  and polarities - yin and yang, new and full moon, winter and summer solstice. The tides, the ebb and flow, the marching on of the seasons. Everything orbits and cycles infinitely, tirelessly. So perhaps that's all this is - my bad cycle... my dark side of the moon. An experience in the trenches from where I can hopefully glean some positive force to propel me to heal and resurface, and to feel the keen sting of motivation yet again.

I've done my wallowing. I've cried my eyes and soul out. I've doubted every ounce of my existence and have beaten myself up quite sufficiently. In the spirit of the moon, with its cycles, healing energy, and everything else it stands for, I will make this truce with myself: a promise that I will do my best to not crumple and fall, to not drown myself in the agony of my failures, to (try to) start believing in myself, and to keep on trucking as I have the last 27 years even in situations far worse.

I'm ready for you 2011!

Mrs. Nord

Yesterday I attended a legal networking event in hopes of making new contacts. Typically for these events you check in and pick up your name tag then go drink, eat, and mingle. So I went to the table to get my name tag, and there I stood searching and searching and searching - I swore I RSVP-ed, why wasn't my name tag there? AHA! I changed my name! I no longer need to glare at the right end of the table, but the middle! Being new to my name made me laugh. I tried explaining my confusion to the not-very-interested greeter, who, needless to say, didn't find me amusing.

Settling into married life has been fluid.... seamless.... more easy than any other part of our (6 year!) relationship. I guess this transition, not really being a transition at all, puts this huge life stepping stone out of the forefront of my mind. But it really is nice to go through these little things that remind me "I'm married."

Happy 4 1/2 months-ish, facerson.

Salty Fries and Ivie's Underwear

Labor Day: A national holiday observed to give respect and celebrate the toils and turmoil of the working class. A holiday of significant economic and civil value in the United States. And what better way is there to celebrate the toils and turmoil of the daily grind than to throw Cherish a surprise Bachelorette party!

And throw we did! The weekend was filled with everything but sleep: from fantastic out-of-town and local friends to mimosas and bacardi to floppy hats and dresses at the Del Mar Races to a beautiful dinner amid the En Fuego flower vines to bar hopping and dancing our cute “single” butts off! The look on Cherish’s face when she learned of all of her surprises was nothing short of ultimate enthrallment. To do this – to send our beloved friend off with this much love and excitement – is illuminating. I am so grateful to have been privy to these experiences and emotions. So much love for this girl I have.

Before I move on, special hats off to the ever-endearing Ivie Gail Hanakawa for putting on, yet another, amazingly fabulous bachelorette party. The world, and myself, are nothing without you, my dear.

Weddings and weddings and weddings! It’s that time in our lives when this generation of folk are starting to tie the knot or make other significant steps toward “grownup-hood.” These new beginnings are so pervasive. And even more pervasive is the response to this type of change – this alluring fiction of having to be what you think you should be by that certain age. I guess this post, in addition to being a tribute to Cherish (and Ivie’s awesome party-planning skills), is a testament to timelines, schedules, plans… and the ability to let go of them.

Cherish is the busiest, most productive and efficient person I know. She is involved in so many activities, including language and dance classes, caring for her adorable nieces, being in the Big Sister program, working, wedding planning, and so on! Yet with all this, somehow we managed to steal her time for a couple of days. And she - this fantastic, confident, always beautifully composed, always-in-command woman - without knowing what was in store this weekend, just rolled with the punches we threw at her, with such ease and grace. She enjoyed herself maximally without knowing or needing to know what was coming up next.

That is an admirable trait.

Lately I’ve been stuck on the life timeline, or rather, the disappointment of having to deviate, yet again, from my plan on how I’d like my life to play out over the next few years. But wait I must until certain factors fall into place. It’s frustrating, this continual delaying of being able to pursue what I want. And it's discouraging to watch my dreams inch backwards, making me feel like its all slipping further and further out of grasp.

But I am trying to learn to let it go; to convince myself that life, with that sneaky little glint in its eye, indeed has a funny way of working itself out. It will all work out. So, surely, I should mimic Cherish and roll with the punches and just enjoy this time maximally. Because all there is.... is now.

And so, a toast, to Cherish and the Plan of Life: may you pursue your course with no pressure, and may any deviations make you stronger and happier. May your years be filled with flexibility, love, excitement, and delight. You deserve everything this world has to offer you. Cheers!

I may be an orange peel.

“If I hadn’t seen [the orange peels floating in the ocean], then I wouldn’t know they were there, and if I didn’t know they were there, I wouldn’t be able to say that they even exist. . . . Some of them are starting to sink now. In a few minutes, the only place they’ll still be floating will be inside my mind. . . . And after I go out this door, I may only exist in the minds of all my acquaintances. I may be an orange peel.”

 

Aptly phrased by J.D. Salinger in one of my favorite books, Teddy (don’t laugh at the name, John!). This passage reminds me of something I constantly find myself in contention with:

Everything is dynamic, thus nothing is ever secure. Moments, thoughts, existence – it’s all fleeting. Yet I struggle against it. Most recently I have found myself trying to revert against faith – to try and find repugnant anything that cannot be based on some sort of reasoning. Yet basing everything on faith, or a leap thereto, seems almost a necessity. If nothing is ever steady or secure, then there’s nothing to hang your hat on. You have to create a hat stand. Everything is an elusive illusion. Yet I constantly fight to believe its neither elusive nor an illusion. What a feat it all is!

Further, if everything is dynamic, then everything moves into the unshakable forward and we are left with nothing to show for our progress except a presumption that we once felt the things we felt. But if that were true, wouldn’t it render our lives meaningless? Who’s to say lives are supposed to be meaningful? They are what we make of it, I suppose – a skillful tethering of the presumptions we are left with. But perhaps the presumptions are enough – perhaps it’s all we need to create a hat stand – to control in our own way the uncontrollable, to permeate the impermeable. 

And so persists the unflagging tension between reality and perception.

I’m not really sure how to conclude this (if there is even a conclusion to be made) except perhaps with the acknowledgment "I may only exist in the minds of all my acquaintances. I may be an orange peel."

(click here for more info on Teddy by J.D. Salinger)