Milestone Reached

Muddled, muddled feelings. Relieved my shoulders feel light again. Anxious to return to my old ways. Fearful there is no job in sight. Happy to see and talk to friends and family again. Worried about how I'm going to pay upcoming loans. Delighted I can read non-academic books at my leisure. Nervous about the prospect of not passing and having to wait four months to find out. Thrilled to start half-marathon training. So many emotions I don't even know how to release them other than wanting to cry!

You'll be happy to know, though, yesterday I felt inexplicable, utter excitement - as if my body contained the sun bursting out of me. I felt accomplished. But today, not even sure what to do with myself.

These last three months have flown by so quickly I didn't even realize how much of an innate habit studying had become. For instance this morning I woke up at 6:30am, unable to "sleep in" as sleeping in has not been an option. Then I walked downstairs carrying my water glass and cell phone as I normally do, and almost put my glass and cell phone on the dining table to the right of my laptop, sat down, opened my laptop and went to open up my books (which are no longer on or near the dining table). Snapping out of it I couldn't believe the roboticism taking over. Instead, I thoughtfully put my water glass and cell phone on the coffee table and sat on the couch for a few minutes, reveling in the disparity between this morning and the last 90.

My task as of Monday will be to figure out a new routine, get all the errands done I've been meaning to, clean up the house, reorganize things, search for jobs, send out networking emails..... the list goes on and on.

Until then, as Dave Chappelle as Rick James would say "It's a celebration bitches! Enjoy yourselves!"